shaken, not stirred

after a few days in siem reap, tim and i realized it was time to investigate our onward travel plans. unfortunately for us, onward travel = broken down old cambodian bus, because flights to bangkok were $150 EACH!! (+ $25 airport fee, those dirty thieves!) so, we asked the boy at our guesthouse about the guesthouse bus to bangkok. the boy, lihoung (who will tell you his name is 'not your business' if you ask and then collapse into giggles) said he could get us seats on the bus for $12 each. is it a good bus, we asked? 'it's not a bad bus,' he answered. for those of you who may not know this, when a cambodian tells you the bus isn't good but isn't bad, this means that by western standards it is completely useless.

our third day at the temples, we ran into elena, from our trip up the mekong. elena is a sweet spanish girl who almost completely redeemed her fellow spanish travelers in my mind. almost. she was with two other young spaniards who had just come from bangkok. they proceeded to tell us the horror story of their journey (complete with photos!): they had a nice bus to the border, and then were ushered onto a pickup truck on the cambodian side, without even a roof (thai pickups have rooves when they are used for transport) for 17 HOURS. tim and i blanched at the news, and ran back to the guesthouse to find out if we would be taking a bus or a truck. we asked not your business' father. 'is it a truck? we heard people take trucks to siem reap sometimes,' we said. NYB's father squirmed uncomfortably and pointed to a picture of a modern-looking, fairly large, bus on the wall. 'no, this.' satisfied, we booked two tickets and prayed for the best.

the next morning, we sat in the guesthouse with not your business, and he and tim talked about soccer. again. our bus was about 15 minutes late, and we were teasing him about when it would come. 'there is no bus, is there? you are using our money to buy football DVDs!' NYB would laugh hysterically. then, a pickup truck pulled up outside. i pointed to it and said, 'it's the bus!' NYB laughed even more hysterically just as a man came up and said, 'the bus is here.'

THANK GOD the bus was around the corner. and it was a bus and not a truck (though it was a glorified minivan bus with very tiny seats, no A/C to speak of, and tim and i had to sit above the wheel, all crunched up). the A/C worked until we got out of siem reap, at which point tim and i noticed that the frenchman in front of us stank of ripened cheese. maybe camembert, maybe a really ripe brie.

but still, the roads were ok. UNTIL about an hour into the journey when we suddenly hit a dirt road. being the optimist (read: fool) i am, i thought the dirt road was only temporary. WRONG. we were on the dirt road for FIVE HOURS. now, let me describe for you the dirt road. imagine the worst dirt road you have ever seen. it is red and dusty and dirt flies everywhere when you drive down it. at the same time, the A/C in your vehicle is no longer working, so it becomes necessary to open your window, thus getting all the dust all over you. the driver of your bus is desperately trying to avoid the potholes (of which there are many), so he drives back and forth across the dirt road, hitting only 1 out of every 3. 1 out of 3 sounds like good odds, but it means you still hit a pothole every 30 seconds or so, and your bus has no shocks. for some of you, this analogy will work better: picture being inside a martini shaker for 5 straight hours. fun, right?

again, the redeeming trait of the journey was the people on the side of the road. being kind of a whore for the smiles, i eventually made tim move away from the window so i could meet and greet the kids along the road. as always in cambodia, the kids were thrilled to see the bus, and even more thrilled when people waved (or even smiled) at them. kids on the backs of trucks, kids walking down the street, kids biking home for lunch, and kids in the rice paddy waters along the road all jumping around, waving like lunatics and yelling 'haaaaallo!' and there i am, doing my best princess diana, caked in red dust and sweat with my hair in pigtails, waving and smiling until i thought my face would crack.

after about five hours on the road, i saw it, shining like a friggin' beacon: PAVEMENT! about an hour later, we got to the border, and we went through cambodian customs, and then thai. at the thai border, we saw the irish girls (whom we had never seen in siem reap, but whom elena told us were leaving the day before). they caught up with us just before we boarded the minivan to take us to the big bus to bangkok. we couldn't talk long, but we did manage to confirm mags' email and discover her mother had forgotten her 25th birthday.

we got on the minibus, where i sat next to matt, who taught in red hook in brooklyn before setting off to find himself. also on the bus were the welsh kids from our hotel in hoi an. we were deposited at a roadside cafe, and had been sitting around (waiting for the bus to arrive, we thought) for about an hour when one of the welsh kids asked where the bus was. turns out it was right there the whole time! the driver had let us sit for all that time because they thought we were buying things. so, on we went to the BEAUTIFUL 21st century bus with air conditioning and soft, squishy seats, on to a PAVED road with MULTIPLE LANES and REAL FLASHING LIGHTS!

we arrived in bangkok at about 10pm. the cost of a ticket to bangkok on a dodgy cambodian bus: $12. the time spent on the journey: 14 hours. damage done to our spinal column along the way: incalculable.